Workshop: C. Gregg. On Dorms and College

Chasity’s Essay Workshop


AUDIENCE
1) The author’s audience is students getting ready to start college for the first time.
2) The author’s audience will mostly already agree with the author’s idea.
3) She uses points that everyone can agree on- things like “studying is a must”,gas is expensive, and traffic sucks. In this way, she’s speaking to a general audience that is mostly on her side, just needing a little persuasion and explanation.

REASONS:
1) Supporting reasons for the author’s opinion:
-students can get to know new people
-classes are easy to get to
-classes are easier to get to than the dorms
-activities are always going on around campus
2) She lists the first three in her thesis and introduces the fourth in the discussion.
3) Honestly I think the author did a great job in backing up her reasons for choosing the dorms for the first year of college. She uses practical ideas that any college newbie can relate to, like wanting to meet new people and have fun, because you’re finally out of your parents house.

COUNTERARGUMENTS
1) She might need to incorporate some more solid counterarguments for her case. She mentions that dorm life might not be for everyone—why? Maybe talk about the added costs of living in the dorm, being away from home right away, and potential distractions (parties, etc.)

FLOW/TRANSITIONS
1) The paragraphs definitely support the thesis. You might incorporate the paragraph about activities into the idea about meeting new people/friends, so you don’t have to adjust your thesis statement. That is a good supporting argument.
2) The transition between the second and third paragraph is a little hard to follow. There wasn’t any mention of the dorms putting on the activities in the second paragraph, and then the third paragraph starts with that statement. Maybe just mention that in the above paragraph. I hope that made sense.
3) Overall the organization is well-put together. Just need to fine tune some things, like correct word usage (“may be “ instead of “maybe” in the first sentence) and making sure phrases like “I mean we are here for a reason” are correctly used grammar wise.
4) Perhaps the argument could start out about how the dorms are a good place to study and classes are easy to get to, and then lead into the more fun things like meeting new people and going to activities. In this way you are tackling probably the most important part of going to college, which is to learn, and then moving into the social part. I don’t necessarily think that’s the best way to write the paper, just another idea. I think the way you have it now suits your voice and attitude throughout the paper really well.

INTRODUCTION/CONCLUSION
1) The lead sentence is certainly catchy and starts the paper off well. It’s perfect for the targeted audience which is first time college students, and is an agreeable statement for any type of person.
2) The conclusion works really good for this essay. It’s consise and sums up all of the points one more time. This sentence may need a little work: “The dorm life is not for everyone, however; it is a place to meet new people, not worrying about how to get to class and it is a good study environment.”

Maybe: “The dorm life is not for everyone. However, it is a place to meet new people, not have to worry about how to get to class, and is a great study environment.”
Or something like that.

Really good essay and supports for your view.