Workshop for L. Lyle Research Draft

Workshop for Lyle, Logan
Address: http://logster-engl111.blogspot.com/
Overall:
1) I liked best the detailed introduction the author gave. It outlines coral’s function as the aquatic home for many types of fish, its use in medicines, and in tourism. I found the medical part especially interesting.
2) The author expressed concern in… (haven’t received an e-mail back)

Thesis
1) Yes, the author clearly expresses his concern for the survival of coral in his thesis. He is saying that it is crucial that coral be saved given that it provides shelter for many aquatic organisms, has biomedical uses, and that it provides protection against storms.
2) Environmental activists and scientists would agree with the authors point of view; some groups of people, possibly those who are the perpetrators of coral death, maybe would not agree with this point of view.
3) The thesis indeed utilizes the although-because format.

Content
1) A solid 7.
2) Possibly expanding on medicinal uses might be valuable for this paper. The author does a great job with explaining how fish need coral, but the entire argument might seem more relevant to a wider audience if he explained in greater detail what medicines/treatments exactly come from coral. Also, a little more detail about coral protecting coastal communites might be valuable as well- especially since we’ve seen so many devastating natural disasters, like tsunamis, in the last several years around the world.
3) I can’t think of any objections one would have against the author’s thesis.
4) The relationship is clear, for the most part, between the thesis and paragraph. The author does mention something about how tourism is a major reason we need to watch out for the survival of the coral, and that is not mentioned as a defense in the thesis. So that might need to be tied in somehow.

Style

1) There are a few choppy paragraph transitions. The transition between explaining how the coral protects against tsunamis and how human interactions and fishing are causing such big problems needs to be smoothed out. Throwing in some sort of sentence to tie them together would help.
2) The opening is definitely interesting and capturing for the reader. However, the “science is trying hard to keep up” argument is a little vague. This should be expanded on just a little in the opening to explain it a little better. Otherwise, it sounds a little out of nowhere.
3) The ending paragraph wraps up the essay nicely overall. However, the ending sentence is a little random. It would sound great if it ended with the second-to-last sentence: “coral destruction is a fight that everyone must take part in.” Except maybe it should be “coral conservation is a fight…” since that’s what the main goal is.


Research
1) Four different works were cited in the essay.
2) It seems like the works were used equally. A few more should probably be incorporated, though.
3) There aren’t any quotes, so this isn’t an issue for the author.
4) No.
5) The essay sometimes goes several paragraphs without a citation- it may be that all of that information came from the next citation, or possibly that citations need to be added.
6) No quotes were incorporated so this isn’t a problem for this paper.